However you want to say and/or spell it—Halloween, Hallowe'en, All Hallows Eve, Candy Corn's Time to Shine—October 31 is indisputably the candy industry's spookiest time of year. That in mind, we asked a few Goose Lane authors past and present, for some personal, highly suggestive lists of Halloween recommendations, avoidances, and/or reminiscences. We make no guarantees, save one: if you don't read the whole of each list, something bad will happen to someone, somewhere, at sometime.
Arley McNeney is the author of Post and The Time We All Went Marching. She also teams up with a co-author to write the Fraser Springs romance novel series (as Laine Ferndale). Book 1 of that series, The Scandalous Mrs. Wilson, is available now. Book 2, The Infamous Miss Ilsa, is due out in December.
TOP 10 REASONS WHY CANDY CORN IS THE GREATEST HALLOWEEN CANDY OF ALL TIME
It’s Halloween, the ultimate holiday for those of us whose candy palate is less ‘dark chocolate and sea salt’ and more ‘corn syrup and regret.’ In that spirit, I set out to taste test the best limited-edition Halloween candies: those sweets that are so delicious/terrible that they can only be served in fun-size on one day of the year.
Unfortunately, the new Halloween marketing trend is apparently to just rename existing candies: Smarties become Scaries, Coffee Crisp becomes Coffin Crisp, etc. Gone are the Halloween Kisses (those tooth-breaking molasses-y crimes against candy), the wax fangs with sugar “blood” inside, and most disappointingly of all, the candy corn.
True, candy corn’s ghost haunts other Halloween products like candy corn-flavoured Peeps, (go back to Easter, Peeps. No one wants you), but the real thing was nowhere to be found.
I’m not sure if the six stores I visited speak to a larger trend, but just in case, I refuse to let candy corn go gentle into that good night. Here, then, is my ultimate list of why candy corn is the greatest Halloween candy of all time.
10) Candy corn can be used as festive décor for your Thanksgiving or Halloween table. Make a classy and delicious tablescape worthy of Sandra Lee.
9) Candy corn is a little bit salty, meaning it pairs well with pretzels, peanut butter, chocolate, etc. Other candies have to be eaten alone (see: that time some monster mixed Skittles with M&Ms in the staff candy bowl at work), but candy corn is a friend to all other Halloween treats. Add it to a candy bowl or trail mix and enjoy.
8) According to wine experts, candy corn pairs well with Riesling. You think you’re “beasting off the Riesling” now, Jay-Z? Wait until you add the sugar high of a nice handful of candy corn.
7) According to the Jelly Belly Company, the recipe for candy corn has changed very little since it was invented in 1898. You have to give it props for being that old and not being originally made of heroin, opium or arsenic. Can you say the same, Coca Cola?
6) You can put candy corn over your own teeth to make vampire teeth. Save the environment with an edible Halloween costume. (Note: dentists do not recommend this).
5) Candy corn is fat free, so it’s basically health food.
4) If you go deep enough into the Internet, you will find people making the argument that candy corn is a metaphor for the Holy Trinity. This is a far superior candy metaphor than that awful, xenophobic poison Skittles one.
3) In an era where you can now get Cadbury crème eggs year-round, it is refreshing to have one thing in life that is genuinely seasonal. There’s nothing like the bittersweet feeling of buying 50% off candy corn on November 1st. Nothing gold can stay, you whisper to yourself among the barren seasonal aisle of your grocery store.
2) People love to hate on candy corn, and it’s fun to shamelessly embrace things that people snark about. (See also: pumpkin spice, vocal fry, romance novels).
1) Candy corn is a literal zombie. What says Halloween more perfectly than taking a fresh ear of corn, using a multi-step industrial enzyme process to turn it into corn syrup, then adding dye and petrochemicals to transform it back into a grotesque mockery of itself?